It’s been a tough couple of weeks parenting. Right now, I am typing this out wishing I was somewhere sleeping with no interruptions, on a soft, comfy, larger than the largest bed, for about a whole week, alone (ahem, Mother’s Day anyone?). I have not been able to accomplish a ton around the house, yet I decided to learn how to start a new business in the busiest, most trying time of my life. Isn’t it funny how life happens? Maybe you’re reading that line thinking “It’s really not funny.” If so, I can relate.
About 15 minutes before writing this, I was trying to get my youngest baby down for a nap and by the end of it I was in full on tears. He’s 9 months old and he’s my fifth child, so it seems we should have this down by now, right? WRONG! He does not want to sleep in his crib. I have not been getting any sleep because we share a room with him, AND he will only sleep in our bed (which is not ideal for us because he can roll out of the bed or wake as I’m asleep and crawl off the bed). I have not kept a great schedule and have not been consistent, which has not helped with the situation at all. He’s a baby who likes a routine and consistency (all of my kids were not this way as babies), so I’m sure most of the problems we’re having with his sleep schedule is related to that in some ways.
I first thought to write this out as a way to only express my feelings, and go on with my day. However, I took my first class with Monique Melton this week called “Breaking Up with Perfectionism”. In this class, she talks about perfectionism and how it’s violent and damaging to who we are as people. Monique Melton is an Author, Speaker, and Anti-racism Educator and I found her through posts on Instagram. I encourage you to check out her work on Instagram at @moemotivate, and I invite you to also support her work. (This is NOT a sponsored post and I do not collect any payment or commission for any links that you click in this blog post).
Perfectionism is often pretending. Many times over the course of my life, I have pretended to be something I’m not. I have pretended that my house was spotless all the time, I am the perfect parent who cooks every meal at the exact same time every day, has perfect snacks laid out for all of the kids, all of our conversations are roses and butterflies, I’m always caught up on laundry, my husband and I never disagree, I am always smiling, praising Jesus at every moment, reading my Bible multiple times a day AND every day, all of my children have perfect sleep schedules (haha!), and I never shed any tears because my life is “perfect”. There is nothing wrong with this person, if they exist…”Jesus, is that you?” But let me tell you today, I am not them!
So, with all of my tears that I cried, I had to remember, I can only do what I can and it doesn’t make me a bad parent or a bad person. I want to encourage you to BE WHO YOU ARE! It’s okay if:
- you don’t parent like someone else
- you don’t have a job title like someone else
- you don’t speak like someone else
- you don’t look like someone else
- you don’t act like someone else
- you don’t think like someone else
It’s okay to have a tough day and say it. It’s okay to have a good day and say it. It’s okay to be yourself, no excuses. If you’re always trying to explain your reasons why, is it because you’re trying to fit into someone else’s idea of who/what/when/where/why/how you should be? If so, stop the excuses and STOP PRETENDING.
Have you ever found yourself pretending to have it all together for the purpose of people pleasing or to feel validated?