As I was rocking my 8 month old son Kai back to sleep early Thursday morning, I saw both my rented hospital grade and my Spectra breast pump over in the corner of my room. As I quickly glanced at them, tears started flowing.
Long story short, I was not able to breast feed any of my five children. I had so many difficulties and it just never happened. This last time, I tried to relactate with the hopes of exclusively pumping. But then I was diagnosed with ADHD along with PTSD and anxiety (mine is what they formerly called ADD if you go with the most recent guidelines, I’m told). Because of the medications that I take now, I cannot breastfeed or pump.
So I cried. I had so many tears because what I’d hoped for just didn’t happen. But then Thursday night I had something so beautiful happen. As I was rocking my son to sleep, he just kept fussing. So I tried shushing him gently and rocking more, but it didn’t work. So, I began singing to him, the same 5 songs that I sang to all of my children. He stopped fussing and calmed down immediately. Within 5 minutes, he was asleep. These are the same 5 songs that my older kids couldn’t fall asleep without. I ended up having to make a CD of me singing those songs so they could play them on repeat nightly.
God showed me something through this. Even though I was not able to breastfeed my children, God let me hold onto something so special that only I could give them as a mother. All of this was God’s reminder to me that it will be okay. So moms, if this is you, if this has been your struggle, look at the things that only you could give your children. It may not change the thing you would have liked to do, but it can help you to embrace and focus on the things that God has given you to do.
𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪’𝙧𝙚 𝙖 𝙢𝙤𝙢 𝙤𝙧 𝙣𝙤𝙩, 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙞𝙨 𝙂𝙤𝙙 𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙖𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩? 𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙞𝙨 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙘𝙖𝙣’𝙩 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙢𝙖𝙮𝙗𝙚 𝙂𝙤𝙙 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙤 𝙜𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙤 𝙃𝙞𝙢 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙃𝙞𝙢 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝? 𝙋𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙚 𝙨𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙞𝙩 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙢𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨. 𝙄’𝙙 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙞𝙩.