It’s the 27th of March, 2020; a few days of being in physical distancing at home with my family due to this Covid19 pandemic. It’s also the day I stop holding onto this dream of sharing my personal feelings with the world in hopes that people around the world would somehow relate.
I’m a wife, mother of 4 children and we are expecting our 5th child. Being a mom hasn’t come easy. If you have experienced any loss during a pregnancy, you probably know what I mean, but more on that later. I work full time and just try to get by with what I know and learn along the way. That’s life. It often seems that’s the way it should be. Lately, I have been asking God for more. More time to do, more time to be, more time to make moves, make my dreams come true, and so many more things I often ask for. Then everything just halted; everything was put on hold. But was it really? I just got more time to do, be, make moves and work on making my dreams come true. Well, that’s what I initially thought.
Amidst all of this chaos, I feel as though I had at some point lost my ability to think, do and even really see what is really going on around me. I’m thankful some part of my brain did go into “safety mode” and my family and I began to limit our contact with others. One of my daughters has asthma, so we have to keep her (and all of us) safe. The first week for us has almost come to an end. I wonder how many of you had to adjust by “shaking” yourself into your new reality? I know I did. I felt overwhelmed with uncertainty, responsibility, anger, fear, hurt and so much more. For a few days I even began to feel anxiety, depression, and sorrow completely fill me. Sometimes it still tries to creep in with all of the social media posts, news and reality of being distant from others physically.
Today I chose to get off social media to do some reading. Now some of you may or may not read the Bible or believe anything in it. We all have our own spiritual preference or way of connecting. For me it is the Bible, prayer, and listening to sermons/going to church. After listening to quite a few messages throughout this week through church online, I realized the message of HOPE has been screaming out at me! I came across this verse which doesn’t sound very hopeful at first and says “Why am I so depressed? Why this turmoil within me? Put your hope in God, for I will still praise Him, my Savior and my God.” Psalm 42:5, HCSB. Then as I kept reading, I kept finding hope. The hope of a time I once knew being closer to God in my walk with him.
The truth is, I would read and pray sporadically as it would fit my busy schedule. But today, God is saying to me, through His word, that He is my source and hope. Psalm 42:8 says “The Lord will send His faithful love by day; His song will be with me in the night — a prayer to the God of my life.” (HCSB) He is the God of my life. He does have my life in His hands. Psalm 43:3-4 says “Send Your light and Your truth; let them lead me. Let them bring me to Your holy mountain, to your dwelling place. Then I will come to the altar of God, to God, my greatest joy. I will praise you with the lyre, God, my God.” (HCSB) I can trust God’s truth and go to safety in the dwelling place of the Lord. He is my joy and He is my peace.
So, even though this is not the way or circumstance I had hoped to share my first blog post, I know that it’s the way that God would have it. I am trusting in Him during this season and praying I can continue to do so. I encourage you to connect with God. Ask Him what He would have you do in this season. Connect in some way. If you would like to have someone praying for you and with you, send me a prayer request and I will begin praying for you!
I hope this helps you and encourages you today. This journey is new for all of us. We are in this together!
Emeteria, Heartening Forward